In this post I’m going to try to debunk some myths about au pair life. I want to emphasize that this post is meant to primarily inform but also I’m not trying to romanticize all aspects of the experience because I feel like that occurs too often. I have been an au pair for two different families, the first family I spent three months with in Milan, and now this family in France, who I have been with for a year. Of course, now two au pair experiences are the same but these are some important things I’ve learned, either the hard way (mostly the hard way lol) or from friends.
- Communication is key! (not a myth, but this is just so important)
- I’m considering the contract to be part of communication since you need to discuss your terms with the family while working out your agreement. The contract is so essential for a stress-free au pair experience, with or without an agency. The most important things you need to figure out before you start are : who will pay for your flight to/from the country, will you get paid during your vacation (technically you earn one paid week of vacation for every three months of work but if that’s not in the contract you’re out of luck), how will you be compensated if you work more than you’re scheduled to during the week, who will pay for your language courses, hwo much pocket money you’ll get per week, will you have a set schedule every week, etc?
- remember, you are your biggest, and usually only, advocate so make sure to speak up.
- Using an agency is the best method to finding a family
- In my opinion, this is false. To be fair, I didn’t shop around for agencies, I just found my host mom on aupair.com and then she told me she wanted to go through an agency and would pay all the fees for me. The agency did next to nothing for me, not really helping me prepare for the visa appointment, and telling me I didn’t need proof of enrollment in a French course when the embassy website said I did. A month after I arrived in France, I received my welcome email which detailed time sensitive tasks I needed to complete upon arrival. My first family I found through aupairworld.com and, other than the strains of three adults living in a cramped space with a controlling father, they were a good family.
- You’ll become bilingual
- Once again, this depends on the situation. The toughest thing about being an au pair, it’s all so relative/situational so no two experiences are the same. Often, I find that others’ experiences are either extremely positive or negative, like there are only two ends of the spectrum. Anyways, in my case, I speak French to my host brother but usually speak English to my host mom because I don’t want her to witness my language struggles. And also, I live in a small touristy town so I don’t have much of a social life but when I do go out and try to speak French but people often speak English back to me. It’s all about how much energy you invest into speaking the language.
- Explore while being paid
- This is THE BIGGEST LIE in my opinion. Okay, yes, you get pocket money. But, depending on your work (and language course) schedule, you may not have that much time to easily travel, especially if you’re on a budget. However, I do recognize that your opinion could change depending on your work schedule and your pocket money from your family. If you plan to travel, you need to come with a decent amount of savings because 400 Euros a month isn’t enough to travel around, especially if you have a social life in your town.
- It is cultural exchange
- In my experience, most of the time when there is a holiday that results in no school, my host mom also doesn’t work so I get the day off, and miss out in the holiday celebrations and backstory (if they even choose to celebrate) And if somehow there is a holiday that results in a day off of school but my host mom has to work then it’s just a regular (and lengthy) day of work resulting in me not celebrating the holiday.
- You’re a part of the family
- Being an au pair for your host family is a strange dynamic. It’s advertised that you’ll be treated like a part of the family but in my experience that isn’t fully the case, you walk a fine line between employee and family. Especially in my case, and I assume for others who don’t live in the same house as their host family, it’s hard to feel like a family member when, after you finish working, you go back to your own house. In the same way, it’s important to remember even if you’re meant to be part of the family, you need to have clear boundaries for yourself (for the kids and the parents) otherwise the emotional weight can get overwhelming. You are not the parent of the children you are watching, you are the au pair. It’s important to note though that if the parents work-from-home, it can be tricky feeling like they’re always watching over you.
- You will be just outside the major town that your family is telling you is closest
- Before I arrived in France, my host mom told me that I would be only an hour outside of Bordeaux (which can only happen if you take the toll highway and speed…) when, in reality, I’m only able to reach Bordeaux by driving 30 minutes to my closest train station then riding the train for 50 minutes (and needing to pay at least 18 Euros round trip). I think this happens to a lot of first-time au pairs who want to go to Paris for work. Just outside of Paris is not the same as living in Paris. Research where you’ll be living so you know what to expect. (I do love the town I live in though, the only thing it’s missing is all you can eat sushi like I could get in Milan)
- When I’m not working, the family won’t contact me
- Okay, it may be a bit of a stretch considering this a myth but, either way, it’s an important topic to bring up. I think this applies most if you live in the same house as your host family. Living with the family can be challenging, especially if the space is small and you only have one dedicated space for yourself (which the kids sometimes won’t respect, trying to interact with you even when you’re in your room). For example, when I was in Milan, my host family and I shared a small apartment so when I wasn’t working, I tried to leave the flat to give myself a break because I knew if I stayed I would get roped into playing with or caring for the kids extra and draining my energy as a result. This can be tough if you live in a small town that doesn’t have much to offer in the way of social life though (aka the problem I currently face, but luckily I have my own separate house).
In summary, the points I want to stress the most are how important boundaries and communication are. This posts isn’t meant to scare anyone away from deciding to become an au pair, I just want to provide a guide that I had before I started this journey so (hopefully) whoever reads this won’t have to go through the struggles of learning first-hand. It’s a very rewarding experience but, being with the family long-term, you can experience a whole range of highs and lows emotionally.
Feel free to comment your thoughts and experiences. Thanks for reading.
Tash the Traveler 